(0) Pretty people said so.

Uh, first of all, my life is completely screwed up. I do not know what I want. I do not know what I need either! I might look oh-so-cool in front of you guys, but when you turn around, I’m actually surrounded by all these nonsense. Sigh.

You, baby, I do not what is up with our relationship. I just don’t exactly feel right anymore. It’s like… I can feel the distance between us. The huge gap between us is really damn obvious now. Not in the sense of age or distance, but my feelings towards you. And it’s not like I don’t love you anymore. Deep down from the bottom of my heart, I really do love you. In fact, I can’t imagine my days with you. It’s just that, I really can’t bare with you anymore. I tried, I swear. I always believe that if we love someone, whatever it takes, we can actually do whatever shit in point of fact, we really can’t. I can’t stand you giving me those stares when you really want to put on a fight, either me or you started it, it doesn’t matter. It’s that how you hurt me. i know you didnt mean it, but your words can kill me. you kept on hurting me with those stares and words when you argue with me every single time we argue. You’re completely another person when you argue with me. Does it matter so much to win the fight? It’s just a normal argument that any couple would actually bother to argue. Is it so cool to win it all that you rather hurt me to fight back your precious dignity? Fine, you can have the gold. Ill leave. I do not want you to scream at my face in the crowd. You want to take good care of your dignity, you go ahead. You don’t have to pull the pin. Ive always kept my anger in me. Ive never yell the hell out of me when im all pissed off by you in the crowd. ive never! Why? Thats because, I respect you. i do not want to embarrassed you cause I know exactly how it feels when you are being yelled in the crowd. But whatever, I dont give a damn anymore. Im so used to it. Just so you want to know when you recently did these to me, its during the jubilee. Even when youre all pissed that time, I talked to nicely and I tried holding your hands and continuously saying sorry. You didnt even give a damn. Maybe you did, by saying ok and after that all you did was, ignoring me. Then, you told me, you were just playing with me. Wtf? Its so fun to do all these to me la now? Treating all these like a joke. When I was all so fucked up worrying how angry you were, trying my best to comfort you just to make you feel less miserable while watching the show. I tell you, most girlfriends in the world wont even bother if they were in my shoes. I felt so dumb, I tell you. If you notice, whatever you’ve done to me, I do not immediately show my anger towards you. Ill sit down, talk to you nicely unless I really cant take it anymore or when my menses are coming. Yeah, and when im all PMS, you cant even bare with me. What is this now? You don’t understand any women at all! Girl, women, whatever.. grrrrrr… I really cant stand it. You said, you cant change right away. Fine, I give you time. I live with your, kept-on-making-me –feeling-worst-when-im-at-my-worst attitude for god knows how many months and I am still waiting for the change. I have my limits, and I know you have yours. Nowadays, the messages I received from you are only two words long. When was the last time youve actually tell me how you feel towards me, how much you appreciate me, how much you love me? I really cant feel it anymore. But I kept telling myself; deep inside you really love me. And if thats not true, I am beyond doubt qualified as the stupidest person on earth to even convince myself that. I know, you told me, sweetness is not a key to everything. Yes, it is not. But, have you even sent me any messages that actually made me smile for the past few months?

I really dont know what to do already. Im sorry that i brought up the past again. But, I really want you to know how I felt. To change or not, its up to you. but from what I know is, I cant hold it for long.